Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
