Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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