I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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