did you get engaged???
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
