Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
