There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
