I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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