SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
