Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
