I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I believe in your delicious
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
