Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I look better un-naked...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
