I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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