bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
