im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
