i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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