are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
