yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i will never coherently bang her
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
