After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
