tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize