I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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