I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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