I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
