I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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