I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
