she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
