Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We are two peas in an std pod
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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