Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
