Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
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