do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We had sex on a dog bed..
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
