??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
