You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize