I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Randomize