Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
