Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
