I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
