sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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