i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
