I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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