She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Your tits are I can't wait for
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
