I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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