Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
