Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize