dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
