I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
