I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
