So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
