The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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