i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
