SEEEEXXX PLEASE
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
