6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
