Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
