So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
