the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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