I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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