Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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