If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
