Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
