He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
