U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
