R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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