I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize