no, he came in my armpit
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
