Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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