I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
